Till the End of the Line
by ElderTrash
Summary: Bucky Barnes knows his name and that Hydra can't get to him anymore, but knowing nothing about yourself can cause a lot of problems. Plagued by dark thoughts and sinister nightmares, Bucky has nobody but himself until he saves the life of a neglected young girl named Lizzie. Together they will fight off their inner demons and become who they're truly meant to be.
1. Chapter 1: Detroit

CHAPTER 1: Detroit

Bucky jolted awake, sleep was still new to him.

The Winter Soldier never slept.

He was always dormant, like a fighting dog sitting in his cage waiting for the door to open and reveal his next opponent.

Every bump of the train or sniffle of the children seated behind him made its way into his dreams causing him to wake up once more.

Sweat slid down his forehead and collected at the back of his stiff neck. The train car was hot and stuffy, but Bucky couldn't risk removing his jacket and having someone recognize his gleaming metal arm.

One night, in a fit of rage, he had attempted to tear the prosthetic limb off, but he only managed to scuff the little red star on his shoulder.

The train car's loudspeaker came to life with a crackle "Now letting off passengers to Detroit, Michigan."

Nobody moved, nobody except Bucky. He got up from his seat and found his way off the train.

Bucky followed the red glare of a sign to the front of the train station. A young couple barged out of the station.

The woman, a tall blonde, stomped down the sidewalk, but the man, a twenty-something with fuzzy brown hair, stopped in front of Bucky.

"Don't even bother," He said "no Wi-Fi, no lounge, no ATM I don't know how long its been since this place has had an update!" With that remark he scurried after his furious significant other.

 _Wi-Fi? ATM? What does that even mean?_

Bucky's thoughts were interrupted by a shriek.

Some thug pried a tote bag out of the hands of a woman and made off with it; Bucky hurried inside with a prayer that nobody would provoke him into a fight.

The train station was in shambles.

Scratchy yellowish-brown fluff poked out from seat cushions, dusty light bulbs gave the room an orangey glow, moths fluttered around near the ceiling, and the staff was no better.

Bucky sat down in one of the disheveled chairs and stared at the wall on the other side of the room.

I do this a lot. He thought to himself. Why do I just sit and stare? Again his thoughts were interrupted, this time by a small boy.

The boy ran excitedly towards a large brightly lit machine by the front desk. Bucky watched with well hidden curiosity as the boy fed a dollar into the machine and received food from inside. When the boy had sat back down with his snoring mother, Bucky reached into his jacket pocket and fished out a dollar he had found earlier.

After a few moments spent figuring out the machine, Bucky returned to his seat with a bag of pretzels. He ate them quietly and watched people scurry around behind the front desk.

Eventually, people began to leave, trains were boarded and offices were closed, so The Winter Soldier decided it was time he left too.

Hands in his pockets, Bucky walked through the city.

Occasionally, broken glass crunched under his boots and he ducked out of the way of two alley cats fighting viciously over a scrawny bone.

The constant wail of distant sirens filled his ears and he welcomed the familiar melody.

Bucky didn't particularly enjoy the company of others and found himself very anxious when a group of scantily clad women approached him. He ignored them with his head down, wishing that he had kept his mask.

His mask, it would come as a surprise to anyone, that the item used to control and restrain him, was the one thing Bucky wished he still had.

Like a lion brought up in captivity then released into the wild, Bucky wished for his restraints.


	2. Chapter 2: A Call to Action

CHAPTER 2

A Call To Action

After hours of aimlessly traversing the streets of the enormous city, Bucky leaned up against a stop sign to rest before figuring out what he was going to do next.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back onto the pole.

Scenarios ran in his mind.

What if someone came up from behind and attacked, if I turned fast enough I could get enough momentum to break their jaw.

What if a car swerves off the road, could I propel myself off of this sign with enough force to clear the car?

No, stop it. He scolded himself internally. You're thinking like a soldier, you're thinking like, that monster.

Bucky opened his eyes and surveyed the area without moving his head. Confident that nobody was around, Bucky pulled off his gloves. He glanced at the metal hand, and slowly moved each finger. He never really took a long look at his hand before.

Then it happened, the event that changed everything forever.

It all happened so quickly, the girl called out for help. Bucky looked for the person she was calling to but nobody else was around. When he didn't respond to her she ran towards him.

Desperate to reach Bucky, the girl bolted out into the street, but despite the stop sign, a driver, who was obviously drunk off his ass, sped down the road at top speed.

The screech of tires compelled Bucky to turn around. The girl would never make it across the road before the car reached her. Something inside of him clicked, and Bucky sprang into action.

He pounced onto the girl and, covering her head with his metal arm, they rolled out of the car's path.

Bucky, still lying on the side of the road, let go of the girl.

She looked at him with large grey eyes.

"Bucky? Bucky Barnes?" Her eyes brightened as she spoke and Bucky winced at her words. The girl grabbed his metal hand and held it in her own. Desperate, Bucky pulled his hand away and looked around wildly for his gloves, they were gone.

She moved closer and took his hand again, his human hand this time.

Bucky let her hold his hand as he desperately played more scenarios in his head.

The two sat on their knees at the side of the road for what seemed like an eternity, the girl looking at Bucky and Bucky looking at their hands.

After awhile she yanked her hand back, and Bucky jerked into reality. He looked at his hand and noticed blood streaming out of his sleeve.

He grabbed his arm with more force than he meant to and flinched at the force he had applied to his wound. A million thoughts now swirled around in his head.

 _I can't take off my jacket._

 _What if she tells someone about me? How will I take care of my arm, I can't let it become infected._

Among the millions of thoughts he was wrestling with there was one that kept coming back more often than the others: _Did she say my name?_

"You're hurt Bucky." The girl said to him.

Bucky looked up and spoke out loud for the first time since he bought his train tickets in Washington D.C. almost two weeks ago. "What?"

"You're hurt, there's blood on your hand and its dripping down from your arm." The young girl said, this time with an urgency that was almost commanding.

Her tone shocked Bucky, all of his memories, that Hydra had let him keep, involved taking orders from someone.

He had been bossed around by Alexander Pierce, Zola, and various doctors and scientists, but never had he received orders from a child.

She stood up on skinny legs, her green cargo shorts rustling as she stood. Her large white t-shirt was stained with blood.

The girl pulled Bucky up with her as she stood and now the two of them were standing and staring at each other.

One looked up with disbelief in her eyes, the other stared down, doing his best to keep all emotion out of his expression.

Grabbing Bucky's cold metal hand, the girl pulled him along behind her as she navigated through alleys and intersections. Bucky's body followed the girl but his mind was somewhere else.

His mind had drifted to the last time someone had called him that name.

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."

That one small sentence had been battering Bucky's sub conscience non-stop. There wasn't a moment of the day when those words weren't echoing in his head.

After fifteen minutes of walking, they reached a dingy brick building. The girl opened the door and pulled Bucky inside.

Bucky looked around, _an apartment building. I remember one of these, but from where? From when?_

"My name is Elizabeth by the way, you can call me Lizzie."

Bucky just stared at the girl.

"Or if you prefer you can just not call me anything." She added, staring at him quizzically. Bucky thought for a moment then spoke "Sorry, I'm..." Bucky paused and struggled to find the words he wanted, "I mean, if you want, you can call me-"

She cut him off, "It's okay Bucky."

Lizzie took his hand again "You don't have to introduce yourself to me, I know all about you."

This sentence shocked Bucky and sent him into a frenzy. He grabbed Lizzie's shoulders and pulled her towards him

"Please," he pleaded desperately "what do you know about me?"

Lizzie shied away, and Bucky released her.

"I'm- I'm sorry." He stuttered.

"You apologize too much Bucky." Lizzie said as she motioned for him to follow her.

They walked up four flights of decaying steps until they reach a door slathered with faded red paint.

The smell of alcohol wafted from under the door and filled Bucky's nose.

"Welcome to my home." Lizzie said pulling the door open.


	3. Chapter 3: Internal Conflict

CHAPTER 3

Internal Conflict

Bucky walked through the doorway and looked at the woman draped across the couch.

Lizzie saw the concern in his eyes. "That's my mom," She explained to him sadly. "She's an alcoholic."

The woman's head flew up and her eyes fluttered open "Christina? Christina is that you? I've told you before hun' I'm not an alcoholic!" She said this cheerfully before collapsing back onto the couch and falling into a drunken sleep.

"Christina?" Bucky asked, looking at Lizzie.

"Christina, Jenny, Angie, Lauren, Brittney, Sarah; everyday its something else. She never remembers my name."

Bucky put his arm around Lizzie but pulled away when he felt pain from his wound.

Lizzie led Bucky to the bathroom.

She closed the toilet lid and motioned for him to sit. Bucky did as he was told. Lizzie took cotton balls and peroxide from the medicine cabinet. "Could you take your jacket off?" She reached for the jacket zipper and Bucky grabbed her wrist in his metal hand with lightening speed.

"Bucky!" she howled at him. Bucky loosened his grip but didn't let go of her wrist. He looked at her with those eyes of his, those desperate pleading eyes that look so white against the dark circles that were permanently drawn around them.

It was a tactic he learned, when you wear a mask that covers most of your face you have to use your eyes to communicate with those around you.

Lizzie looked into his eyes for a moment before turning and putting the cap back on the peroxide. "What do you know about yourself Bucky?"

Bucky looked at Lizzie more intensely this time. "My name is..." He paused and closed his eyes "James Buchanan Barnes" He spoke slowly and when he finished he opened his eyes again. "I'm The Winter Soldier, I've hurt people and killed people, I haven't aged in over fifty years, and I don't know anything about my life before Hydra that I haven't read about or been told by someone else."

Lizzie was shocked, "Bucky you didn't hurt anybody, The Winter Soldier did those things not you."

"Lizzie I am The Winter Soldier!" Bucky yelled at her, "I will ALWAYS be The Winter Soldier and those peoples' pain is my fault!" Bucky got up and stormed out of the bathroom.

Lizzie heard the front door swing open. When she reached the doorway she noticed a doorknob-shaped hole in the wall.

Bucky was walking down the sidewalk when Lizzie caught up to him. "Bucky please," She grabbed his shoulder "come back with me, I didn't even get to look at your cut."

Bucky stopped. "Lizzie, what do you know about me?" He looked her directly in the eyes and silently pleaded for her to tell him who he was.

Lizzie thought about her own life.

Even though it wasn't perfect, she still wouldn't want to forget it.

"Here Bucky," She motioned towards a bench covered in peeling paint "I'll tell you what I know."


	4. Chapter 4: Who I Am

CHAPTER 4

Who I Am

Bucky and Lizzie sat on the old bench.

Lizzie sat with her legs tucked beneath her in a fight-or-flight position. In her city you always have to be on your toes if you want to get home with all the money you left with.

Bucky's posture was almost completely opposite, he sat slouched over, head in his lap, elbows on his knees. His mind drifted again.

What if I wasn't a good person before

What happens if I'm disappointed in who I was, or, am?

Does Lizzie really know who I am?

Lizzie opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened again and spoke this time. "Bucky, I know all about you, I've read articles and biographies, searched you online, and even reported on you in class, and now I'm going to tell you who you really are."

Bucky sat up and pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "Lizzie I'm ready, who am I?"

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes and you were born in the state of Indiana. Your best friend was Steve Rogers and you two were inseparable in school. As you two got older, you and Steve stuck by each other, even in times of hardship." Lizzie spoke as if she had practiced this in front of a mirror for days on end.

"When you were old, enough you enlisted to fight in WWII. On your last day before heading out, you went out with your friend Steve and your dates to the Stark Expo. At the expo, Steve enlisted in the army again, they wouldn't accept him because of health problems, but he was offered a chance to go to a training camp... he accepted."

Bucky did his best to envision what Lizzie was saying in his head, but for some reason he couldn't picture himself doing any of what she was telling him.

"Steve was offered an opportunity to undergo an experiment that aimed to create the perfect person, a 'Super Soldier'. After receiving the test serum, Steve became 'Captain America', a film star, stage actor, and military mascot. When Steve visited a military camp on his tour, he discovered that your entire regiment had been captured by enemy forces. Howard Stark and Agent Peggy Carter flew over enemy lines and dropped Steve off near a camp. Steve then released your entire regiment from prison cells and found you dazed and in pain on an operating table."

Bucky looked at the ground blankly. A table, it seems like my whole life I've just been laying on tables while people tinker with the very fabric of my being.

Lizzie's tone deepened and she continued, "Bucky?"

Bucky looked at her.

"I don't know if you want to hear the rest of your story."

Bucky looked at her again, this time with more urgency.

"Let me rephrase that, I don't know if I want to tell you what happens next."

Bucky put his cold silvery hand on Lizzie's shoulder. "Please Lizzie, I have to know."

Lizzie sighed. "Okay, you and Steve were on a mission; you had boarded a train and everything was going well. You fought bravely and saved Steve's life, but you ended up holding for dear life onto a weak metal handle on the side of the train. Steve tried to save you but before he could reach you, the bar broke and you fell hundreds of feet into a snowy mountain canyon."

Lizzie took Bucky's hand off her shoulder and began to run her fingers across the metal. "Whatever they did to you in that prison camp helped you survive the fall, but your arm, was beyond saving. Zola, a Hydra scientist gave you a new arm, wiped your memory, and brainwashed you into becoming an emotionless assassin. They used you to change the way the world worked by having you kill important people that didn't conform to what Hydra wanted. When you weren't needed you were frozen to keep you from aging."

Bucky lifted a hand to his face and felt his skin, smooth, healthy, young.

"Meanwhile, Steve ended up frozen in Arctic ice until he was recovered and thawed. Steve then joined the Avengers and saved the world from the Norse God, Loki, and his army. Just a few weeks ago you resurfaced, and now that Hydra is gone you're free to become Bucky Barnes again."

After ten minutes of silence Bucky got up.

"Lets go back to your place Lizzie, I don't want," Bucky gestured to his arm "this to become infected."

Together, they returned to the sad little apartment.

"Here Bucky, you can sleep in this bed." Lizzie said, gesturing to an empty bed in a shabby bedroom. Bucky looked at the dingy mattress with two scrawny pillows and one dusty sheet.

"This was my parents' room, but my mom prefers the couch and my dad is who-knows-where."

Lizzie handed Bucky a dripping cotton ball, "Use this to clean your injury." She instructed before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

Bucky took the cotton ball in his metal hand and placed it on the dresser.

He began to take his jacket off when Lizzie rushed back into the room.

"Bucky there's a shower in that bathroom." She pointed at a door by the bed.

"Oh and," She wrapped her arms around Bucky and buried her face in his shirt "thank you."


	5. Chapter 5: Nighttime Woes

CHAPTER 5

Nighttime Woes

Bucky had a deep gash at least four inches long scored across his arm.

He fell back onto the bed and held the cotton ball on his cut, it burned and tingled causing him excruciating pain.

Bucky removed his shirt and laid it on the dresser next to his leather jacket. He opened the bathroom door and walked into the room, when he flicked the light switch only one of three bulbs lit up.

Bucky stared at himself in the mirror.

He looked young, and strong, and human until you saw his shoulder where human flesh stopped and soulless metal began.

The star on his arm had a huge scuff on one of it's points where Bucky had attempted to pull the arm off once. He ran his fingers through his hair and saw the scars on his temples from his many electric shock treatments.

Bucky wrapped a towel around his waist and wrung his hair out in the shower. He wiped some steam off of the mirror so that only his face was visible against the smoky background.

He blinked at himself then opened and closed his mouth and watched the mirror-Bucky do the same thing.

That person in the mirror is me and I'm standing here in another person's home.

The person is Lizzie and Lizzie is helping me.

Someone is helping me, but I don't deserve to be helped.

I'm dark and cruel and unpredictable. What if I relapse into my brainwashed state and hurt Lizzie and her mother?

I have to go away.

Everybody has their demons but Bucky was his own worst nightmare.

Bucky was shocked out of his dark thoughts by two sharp knocks at the bedroom door.

He adjusted his towel and put his ear to the door.

"Bucky? Its Lizzie, I wanted to tell you that there are men's clothes in the nightstand drawers. They're my dad's but you can keep them. Goodnight."

Bucky heard footsteps in the hall and then the sound of a door gently closing.

"Goodnight." Bucky whispered to himself quietly.

"I'm with you till the end of the line."

"Steve? Steve! You're Steve, I know who you are. You're my friend and I need you Steve."

"You've known me your whole life."

"I know Steve! We're friends!"

"Then finish it."

"Steve? Steve? You aren't listening Steve!"

"Bucky?"

"Yes its Bucky!"

"You don't have to do this people will get hurt."

"Steve please! Listen to me Steve!"

Bucky's eyes flicked open and he leaped out of bed, tripping over the sheet that had wrapped around his foot. His body slammed against the wall.

Bucky opened up the drawer where he found the shorts he wore to bed, and pulled out a flannel button down and put it on. He found some jeans and put those on as well, then he slipped on his boots. He flipped the pillow over and grabbed his knife.

Bucky carefully opened the bedroom door and walked down the hall, he thought about waking up Lizzie to say goodbye but decided against it.

He reached the front door and saw the hole he had made in the wall earlier.

With a sigh, Bucky moved an armchair to cover the hole. He opened the door and looked back into the seedy apartment before leaving.


	6. Chapter 6: The Road Less Traveled

CHAPTER 6

The Road Less Traveled

Alone, again. I guess I'm just supposed to be by myself.

Bucky walked down the sidewalk, alone.

A cold gust of wind pushed against his chest making him shiver. Flannel isn't great for keeping out the cold, but Bucky had forgotten his jacket at Lizzie's apartment.

The temperature continued to steadily drop and an icy rain began to fall.

Each cold drop of rain poked at Bucky's exposed flesh like little needles. Eventually the weather became too harsh to travel in and Bucky ducked into a lonely corner store.

Bucky glanced around the store. The young woman at the register gave him a suspicious look and her hand drifted slowly in the direction of an alarm.

I don't blame her. Bucky thought. If someone rugged and tired looking came into my store late at night during a storm I'd be suspicious too.

Bucky walked towards a tack board near the counter and examined the posters for lost pets and cheap appliances. The woman looked at Bucky again, but this time her eyes went to a different part of him, his hand. Bucky jammed his metal hand into his pocket and quickly turned around and walked towards the refrigerators. He slipped his other hand into his pocket and felt something brush against his fingers.

Bucky pulled a sad, crumpled five dollar bill from his pocket.

Oh no, Lizzie probably needed this money.

Bucky heard a crack of thunder from outside and noticed a black umbrella hanging from a hook near the window.

It's only five dollars, money is worth a lot less these days, and I really need an umbrella.

He picked up the umbrella and read its tag.

Three Dollars.

Bucky clutched the umbrella and grabbed a water bottle and pen on the way to the counter.

After he paid, Bucky opened his umbrella and continued walking down the sidewalk; his boots splashing in the deepening puddles.

After about an hour of walking pointlessly around the city, Bucky sat on a dry part of the curb and opened his water bottle. He downed the whole thing and stood up. Bucky tossed the bottle over his shoulder.

"Ouch, what the heck?" A voice said from behind.

Bucky turned around with lightning speed to see Lizzie standing behind him wearing his leather jacket and a backpack. She picked up the water bottle and tossed it into a trash can. "You shouldn't litter, Bucky."

He looked at her with a mixture of shock and anger, but mostly shock.

"Lizzie? What are you doing here?"

Lizzie smiled at him, "I'm coming with you Bucky."

"No Lizzie, you aren't."

She kicked a pebble and it skidded across the sidewalk. "Why not?"

"Because you're a kid and I have no idea where I'm going."

"I'm ten years old, hardly a kid, and I'd be much better off with you than with my mom in that hell-hole."

Bucky sat back down on the curb and put his head in his hands.

"C'mon Bucky, you owe me. Not only did I help you out before, but I brought you your jacket too." Lizzie slipped out of the jacket and draped it over Bucky's shoulders, then she took her own jacket out of her backpack and put it on.

"Lizzie I can't take care of you when I can hardly care for myself." Bucky stood up and put his arms into the sleeves of the jackets.

"That's the point Buck, we can take care of each other." Lizzie said cheerfully.

Bucky looked Lizzie up and down, she had changed her clothes to a gray jacket and a white tank-top with black yoga pants, she reminded him of the red-haired woman he had seen with Steve.

"Lizzie, what about school and your mother?"

"I never go to school anyway, besides its not like it's safer there than it is with you."

Bucky felt defeated, there was just no shaking her off. As much as he didn't want to, he'd have to scare her into wanting to go home. "Alright Lizzie."

"Really? Thank you Bucky!"

Lizzie walked alongside Bucky for a long time.

He seemed to be searching for something in every alleyway. At last, Bucky finally found what he was looking for.

A man stumbled out of a bar and slumped down next to a beat-up old car.

Bucky threw the man a dirty look, and the man straightened up and approached them. "What're you lookin' at, raccoon?" His words were slurred and they rose out of his mouth on an alcohol ridden cloud.

Bucky puffed his chest out a little bit and rolled his metal shoulder back. "I'm looking at you." He said, making sure his words spilled out like acid.

The man clenched his fist and swung at Bucky.

Bucky caught his fist in his metal hand with little effort and began to squeeze it. The man looked at Bucky's hand in horror. "Wh-what are you?"

Bucky squeezed harder until the man fell onto his knees and begged to be let go of. Bucky let go and the man crumpled to the ground.

Bucky put his face only inches away from the man's and spoke. "I'm the Winter Soldier."

The man looked up in horror then scrambled to his knees and fled.

Crap. Bucky thought. I was supposed to let him hit me, to scare Lizzie. I guess the Winter Soldier hasn't left me yet like she says. I'm still a soulless monster.

"Bucky you really showed him!" Lizzie popped up from behind a car "Good work partner!"

Bucky sighed and started to walk again, Lizzie was at his side looking longingly at his hand. She reached for it, but Bucky stuffed it into his pocket.

They walked in silence for a few minutes when Bucky heard a low growl come from Lizzie's stomach. "Guess you should head home now, its been fun but I can't afford any food." Bucky tried desperately to get her to return home but to no avail.

"That's alright Bucky, I planned ahead." Lizzie pulled a silver card from her backpack pocket and waved it triumphantly.

Ten minutes later, Lizzie and Bucky were sitting in a brightly lit diner.

Lizzie sat up eagerly waiting for a waitress to arrive. Bucky sat across from her with his forehead on the table and his shoulders hunched in defeat.

A pretty blonde waitress arrived in a short skirt with a matching hat. "What can I get ya'll?" She asked. Her southern voice was sickly sweet and Lizzie was glad that she had arrived.

"I'll have a milkshake and a hamburger and so will he." When Lizzie finished ordering she used her hand to lift Bucky's head from the table. "I picked this place for you Bucky, its a 50s diner."

Bucky glanced around then placed his head back onto the table and began to repeatedly bang it softly on the wood surface. After about ten minutes of awkward silence, Lizzie was relieved when their food arrived. Bucky stared at his hamburger for a half an hour while Lizzie ate. "Bucky eat, I'm paying remember?" Lizzie pushed Bucky's plate closer to him.

Bucky ate some fries and drank his milkshake.

When he was done he felt like he needed to go curl up and die somewhere. Apparently his face gave away how he felt because Lizzie commented on his condition. "Bucky you just aren't used to eating actual meals yet, that's all."

When the waitress returned, Lizzie had all their leftovers boxed and placed into her backpack.

"Who's card is that Lizzie?" Bucky asked once the waitress had taken it.

"Its my dad's. He just left one day, didn't even take any of his belongings. Even his cellphone was still in the kitchen drawer."

Bucky looked up. "Was?"

Lizzie pulled the phone from her pocket. "Wherever he is he obviously isn't missing it."


	7. Chapter 7: Emotions

CHAPTER 7

Emotions

Bucky's eyes opened.

He was standing in the snow near an unfamiliar man.

The man was in a blue military uniform and looked oddly familiar to Bucky. He looked at the man for awhile.

The poor soul was covered in snow and blood. His arm, or what was left of it, turned the snow around him red.

Bucky walked over and tried to brush some snow off of the man's coat but his hand passed right through it.

Bucky jumped back.

He tried again to clear some snow and when that didn't work he swiped his hand across the man's face and marveled as it went right through it.

Voices echoed through the ravine and Bucky ducked behind a tree.

A group of men approached the body. "Nehmen Sie den Körper. Er ist der, den wir wollen. Zola wird sich freuen." One of them said.

Bucky understood what they had said.

They were going to take this man's body.

The men lifted the body and swung it over the largest one's shoulder.

"Stop it!" Bucky yelled. "Put him down! Let him die, leave him alone!"

The men didn't react and Bucky ran right through them. "I said stop let him die, show some respect for his life!" Again the men didn't move. They couldn't hear him.

Bucky was there, but only as an observer.

"Bucky wake up you're scaring me!" Lizzie called into Bucky's ear as she shook him awake.

Bucky sat up slowly.

"Bucky I woke up and heard you talking in your sleep," Lizzie looked shaken. "you were shouting things in another language and telling someone to go away."

Bucky looked at the couch Lizzie had been sleeping on, it was far away from the couch Bucky was on.

How loud did I call out in my sleep?

"Bucky you should go splash some water on your face. The bathrooms are over there." Lizzie pointed towards a door that said "Misters" in a whimsical font.

Bucky got up and walked through the maze of bookshelves between himself and the bathroom.

Lizzie knows this city. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have her around, she did have a card key for the library after all. Bucky was distracted from his internal discussion by the sight of snow covering the street.

It wasn't much, but snow is snow and anyone who's ever been in it knows that even a little snow can be a big inconvenience. He looked out the window for awhile then headed back to his couch without going into the bathroom.

The sun began to poke out from behind buildings and spread its glow over Detroit.

Lizzie went into the staff break-room and made Bucky a cup of coffee, for herself she found a small sandwich forgotten there by someone the day before.

She handed Bucky the "#1 Librarian" mug, and unwrapped her sandwich.

When they had finished, the duo grabbed what little they had and left.

"Bucky?" Lizzie asked as the two of them descended the library's front steps "Why don't you sleep with your shirt on?"

Bucky looked at Lizzie "Why?" He asked.

Lizzie stopped walking "Well last night you were shivering and I wondered why you wouldn't wear a shirt if you were cold."

Bucky decided that he owed her an answer since she tore him from that nightmare. "Even though I shiver, I like to feel cold. It's one of the few things I can still feel."

Lizzie stopped Bucky. Bucky looked down in shock as Lizzie hugged him. It wasn't a quick, shy hug like she had given him before. This hug was warm and genuine and full of care and love.

For the first time in literally forever, Bucky smiled, and he hugged her back. Lizzie looked up "At least you can still love." She hugged him tighter "Most people can't."

Bucky and Lizzie walked away from the library and rounded a corner when Bucky stopped. "What is it Bucky?" Lizzie looked in the direction he was gazing in.

She could see the gears in his head turning and she watched his eyes as he made connections between now and his past life.

"Barnes?" Bucky looked at Lizzie and repeated himself. "Barnes?"

Lizzie concealed a smile. "That's just a store called Barnes & Noble, nothing to do with Bucky Barnes."

"Oh." Bucky glanced down. "What do they sell there?" He asked in an attempt to change the subject.

Lizzie smelled the Starbucks wafting from inside the cozy bookstore and she shivered in the cold air. "Exactly what we need."

Bucky opened up the large wooden door for himself and Lizzie after watching her struggle with it. As they walked in heads turned to watch them.

An attractive man with a stony expression and dark eyeliner around his eyes will certain draw attention, but when a thin girl who looked worn-out on the outside and bright on the inside is with him, you'll definitely draw a crowd.

Bucky felt alienated inside the store.

Everyone there had a purpose; baristas were polishing mugs, old ladies were copying recipes from cookbooks, cashiers were gossiping, and young women were sitting in lounge chairs reading romance novels.

Even young Lizzie had a purpose as she looked the store for something.

Bucky felt his mind drift back into that place he hated.

Behind the Young Adult Novels section is the safest vantage point from which to disarm a shooter. If an attacker came in could I get there quick enough?

I could easily break the glass in that coffee shop display if I need a diversion.

Could I use anything here as a weapon?

"Bucky. Bucky? Bucky! Earth to Bucky. Mr. Barnes! JAMES!" Lizzie was practically screaming to get Bucky's attention.

Bucky turned to face the direction of Lizzie's voice, she was seated at a table with a stack of books around her.

"Have a seat Bucky, class is beginning."


	8. Chapter 8: Playing Catch-Up

CHAPTER 8

Playing Catch-up

"Bucky I've gathered some things that you missed that you should probably catch-up on." Lizzie patted the pile of books and DVDs next to her "Have a seat apprentice."

Lizzie gave Bucky a sly smile.

Bucky pulled out a chair and sat in it.

Lizzie pulled out a large book titled "The Presidents of America from Washington to Ellis".

"We'll start by learning about the presidents you missed."

Two hours later Lizzie and Bucky had finished their political debates and she readied the next book. "Gosh Bucky, for someone who claims to not think much, you certain know your way around politics." Lizzie said as she searched for their next topic.

"I spent over 70 years single-handedly changing the world's politics remember?"

"Oh yeah."

Lizzie pulled out three thin books.

Bucky grabbed each book and read the titles out loud, "'Dealing With: Night Terrors', 'Dealing With: Self-hatred', 'Dealing With: Loss'. Lizzie I'm not reading these."

Lizzie took the books. "Yes you are, I already payed for them." She shoved a receipt towards Bucky. "Whenever you wake up in the middle of the night I want you to read yourself to sleep with these."

Bucky looked at each book again. "Lizzie I'm not going to read these." He handed the books back to her.

Lizzie put the books back in her bag then checked the time on her father's phone. "Its ten a.m. Bucky, they close at eleven o'clock at night, let's get to work."

Four hours later Bucky had watched The Lion King and listened to Lizzie read him over 12 different non-fiction books.

Bucky put down Empire Magazine's Tony Stark Issue and looked around for Lizzie. He found her in the military history section. When Bucky approached her she jammed a book into her bag and looked up at Bucky in shock. "Bucky! Um, did you finish your magazine?"

Bucky analyzed her suspicious behavior and replied. "I'm not too interested in Tony Stark he seems like a jerk."

Lizzie smiled, "Fair point, you have the same opinion as everyone else who's ever gotten to know him."

Later that day Bucky and Lizzie began going through all the leaked S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA files.

"Natasha Romanov, pull up a picture of her." Bucky pointed to a link on the screen and Lizzie clicked on it. "I know her, she was there with Steve on the bridge that day."

Lizzie read through Natasha's files

"Black Widow, or Natasha Romanov, is part of the Avengers Initiative and joined S.H.I.E.L.D. after working with enemies of the United Sates for many years..." Lizzie kept reading aloud, but Bucky wasn't listening.

Black Widow, Iron Man, Captain America, all of these heroes I've learned about today, but none of them ever stopped me. HYDRA had full control over everything including who got to live or die.

Bucky and Lizzie left Barnes & Noble at 8 o'clock. They sat down at an empty bus stop and Lizzie spoke first. "Bucky, can we leave Detroit?"

Bucky looked at Lizzie.

"I don't want to sound pushy or anything, but I hate it here." She pulled out her silver card. "There's enough on here to get us plane tickets." Lizzie looked at Bucky's metal hand. "Or train tickets."

Bucky looked into Lizzie's eyes and spoke. "Lizzie, we can't leave the city."

She looked confused. "Sure we can we have the money to leave and-"

Bucky cut her off. "It's not the money Lizzie, you're a child and I can't just take you."

"But, Bucky."

Bucky stood and Lizzie grabbed the back of his jacket, he brushed her hand away. "Look Lizzie, I like you a lot, but I'm dangerous and I don't know what I'm capable of right now. Please, just take your card and get some change for the bus-ride home."

Tears began to stream down Lizzie's face. "Bucky don't leave me."

A light flurry began to fall.

Snow landed in Bucky's and Lizzie's hair as they stood staring at each other on the sidewalk. Bucky reached for Lizzie's hand and put his last two dollars in her palm and closed her fingers around them.

The bus pulled up next to them.

"Goodbye Lizzie thank you for everything."

Lizzie didn't look at Bucky as she boarded the bus. Bucky watched the bus drive away.

"Stay strong Lizzie," Bucky whispered. "I'm with you, 'till the end of the line."

Bucky didn't know where that last part came from, but it felt so natural to say.


	9. Chapter 9: Bucky's Demons

CHAPTER 9

Bucky's Demons

Bucky stood at the top of large hill.

He looked out over the city below.

Two men fought viciously on the street. Neither of them had faces.

One was golden and bright and the other was cloudy and dark. They fought for what seemed like hours until the golden man fell to his knees.

The dark cloudy man attacked him, but stopped before delivering the final, fatal blow. A small dot of light began to show from the cloudy man and gradually his cloudiness faded away and he was a solid shape.

The dark man began to turn gray, the color spread across his body as he walked away from the golden man. The golden man stood up shakily and called to the gray man, but the gray man never turned around. He kept walking until a little white ball of light hovered towards him.

He chased the little light until he caught in in his hands. He held it there and enjoyed its beauty and innocence until, for some reason, he tossed the little light out of his hands and watched it float away sadly.

Bucky woke up in a cold sweat.

This had been his most upsetting dream in a long time.

Not because it was scary, but because it obviously meant something.

Bucky sat up and ran his fingers through his hair.

He felt bits of gravel fall out of his hair and tumble down onto the ground.

I slept in an alley. Like a stray cat. I had someone who cared about me and wanted to help me and I chased them away. I put Lizzie on that bus. Now we're both in hell.

Bucky sat up and flinched when he felt something jab at his thigh. He reached into his pocket and pulled out 'Dealing With: Self-Hatred'.

"I don't hate myself," Bucky said to the book. "I hate what I've become and what I've done."

Bucky wiped gravel off his pants and jacket as he stood up. He took the book and opened it. Bucky grabbed the pen he had purchased a few days ago and wrote something on the inside cover, then he walked until he reached Stewart Elementary.

Bucky opened the door and walked down the hall until he spotted a familiar backpack. He opened the bag and slipped the book into it.

Then as sadly as he came, the Winter Soldier left.


	10. Chapter 10: Crossing Paths

CHAPTER 10

Crossing Paths

Lizzie sat slouched over at her desk. While the rest of the class was desperately trying to figure out how to do long division, Lizzie had finished today's and tomorrow's math assignments.

She sat alone and surveyed the classroom.

The "popular girls" sat together copying off of each other's wrong answers, the book lovers sat in a circle reading books hidden inside of notebooks, the richer kids argued about pools or texted on cleverly hidden iPhones, then there was Lizzie, the lonely girl who's only friend put her on a bus and left her.

Katherine, a tall girl with long blonde hair to her knees and blue eyes, sat on Lizzie's desk.

"Katherine you're sitting on my paper." Lizzie told her without looking up. Katherine grabbed Lizzie's notebook suddenly and Lizzie shot upwards and knocked her seat back. "Give me that!" She screamed. Katherine stood up on the desk and looked at Lizzie's work.

A drawing of Bucky stared solemnly off the page. "Who's this Liz?" Katherine's tone was mocking, "Is it your boyfriend?" She let out a laugh that made her perfect nose crinkle.

Jessica Alverez, Katherine's best friend, climbed onto the desk as well and looked over her friend's shoulder.

"Maybe its her dad, but how would we know, nobody ever sees him." Jessica kicked a pencil off the desk as she said this.

Lizzie balled her fist. "Give me my notebook you 4th grade whores!" Lizzie called at them.

"Ooooooh," Katherine mocked. "Did your daddy teach you that word?"

Jessica's cruel mind came up with another insult and she shot it in Lizzie's direction. "Are you calling us whores, or are you just describing you mom?"

Lizzie lost it.

She grabbed Katherine's long hair and yanked the girl off her desk. "Let go of me you freak!" Katherine shrieked.

Lizzie hit Katherine repeatedly and once Katherine released the notebook, Lizzie snatched it up.

Katherine's nose bled in a steady red stream, and she rushed to the sleeping teacher and tattled.

"Lizzie," The teacher's groggy voice called out. "front office, now."

Lizzie grabbed her pencil from the floor, and on her way out she hooked Jessica's ankle with her hand and the girl toppled from the desk.

"Well what do you have to say for yourself Lizzie?"The principal sat at her desk and looked at the girl. Lizzie met the principal's eyes. "I regret nothing."

"Well Lizzie, I'm going to have to suspend you, what is a phone number I can call to get someone to pick you up?"

The principal picked up her phone and looked at the girl.

"You can call 284-555-7327."

The principal dialed the number. "And who will I be speaking to?" She asked.

Lizzie smiled sweetly. "A family friend, a Mr. James Barnes."


	11. Chapter 11: A Fighting Chance

CHAPTER 11

A Fighting Chance

Bucky sat alone on a bench, watching people come and go from the park. No matter how much he wanted to get up and walk away he couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight of all the happy people.

I was like them once.

I had a friend and I was happy, but not anymore, HYDRA took all that from me and now I'm alone.

Bucky jumped up from the bench when he felt something vibrate in his pocket. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver cellphone.

He held it gingerly in his hands then flicked it open with his thumb. A small voice echoed from the the phone. "Hello, Mr. Barnes, this is principal Stan from Stewart Elementary, I'm calling about Elizabeth."

Bucky heard Lizzie's name and held the phone to his ear. "Lizzie?"

Principal Stan paused then continued speaking, slower this time. "Yes, Lizzie got into a fight and according to school policy she must be suspended for a minum of two weeks. Are you able to come and pick her up?"

Bucky was confused "I um, I mean-"

Principal Stan cut him off. "If you aren't able to its fine."

Bucky felt relieved.

"I have her mother's number on file."

When he heard this, Bucky tensed up again. "I'll come and get her."

Principal Stan jotted Bucky's name down, "Excelle-" Bucky flipped the phone closed before she was finished and began walking towards Stewart Elementary School.

Lizzie sat alone in Principal Stan's office becasue the flustered woman had rushed off to comfort two sets of very angry parents. She opened her backpack and placed the rescued pencil and notebook inside of it. When they didn't fit properly she reached inside the bag and pulled out a familiar book, 'Dealing With: Self-Hatred'.

Lizzie's fingers shook as she opened the book.

Scrawled across the inside front cover in suprisingly good handwriting was a note from the Winter Soldier himself. It read:

Lizzie,

I know it seems like I abandoned you, but really that isn't the case. You weren't afraid of me and you didn't try to use or control me like everyone else I've come across.

I'm having nightmares Lizzie, and they aren't about fears or scary stories, they're about me and the man I once was. I'm watching myself die night after night, and I see those men carry me off every single night in my head. I'm torturing myself, I'm my own worst enemy.

You saw what I did that night outside the bar, I didn't want to hurt that guy, but it was like something pulled Bucky out of my body and put The Winter Soldier in his place.

If he didn't run I could have killed him.

I'm dangerous, like a time bomb with no timer; nobody knows when I'll stop being calm and dormant, and then one day I'll just explode, and there's a chance that everyone around me will be caught in the choking aftermath.

Please stay away from me Lizzie and maybe one day, if I ever escape from my own dark shadow, I'll come and find you.

Bucky

Lizzie was horrified. She read the note over and over trying to wrap her mind around what she had just read.

She spoke to herself aloud: "He came back and left this for me, he never wanted to leave me."

Lizzie began to cry softly. "Bucky wanted to find his own way and protect others, and now I've dragged him back here because I'm stubborn and self-centered." Lizzie put her books into her backpack and zipped it up. "Bucky needs to heal, and I'm going to give him a fighting chance." She climbed out the window and ran off the campus.


	12. Chapter 12: Repressed Memories

CHAPTER 12

Repressed Memories

When Bucky arrived at Lizzie's school he was met with a wave of panic and anger.

"Where is she!" A voice called from the front office, it was met with a chorus of other frantic voices. Bucky quickly realized what was going on and left the school. He walked along the outside of the building until he spotted an open window.

If Lizzie had left any tracks, they were now covered by snow. He remembered a tactic he had learned for locating tracks in the snow.

He easily found Lizzie's trail and began to follow it.

Following a trail of footprints, just like that day in Budapest. That thought triggered a chain reaction in Bucky's mind, and he almost stumbled at the force of all the thoughts flooding back to him.

Budapest assassination, 0900 hours, the ambassador was sitting in his penthouse preparing to leave for America. I was stationed across the street in an abandoned school. I had lined up my shot with the ambassador's left temple when an arrow grazed my arm causing me to misfire and hit a gas line. The building erupted and two figures stood among the rubble shooting at my reinforcements. The man with the arrows and the woman Lizzie called "Black Widow". The ambassodor was dragged from the rubble and pronounced dead with his suit still smoldering, HYDRA came for me, and it all went dark.

Bucky put his human hand on his forehead and fell to his knees in the snow.

What happened?

It was like reading a mission report.

I've never experienced anything like that before.

Bucky sat for a few more minutes then stood and brushed the snow from his pants. He continued walking until he heard something in an alley between two buildings near the school.

Bucky investigated the sound and found Lizzie wedged between two trash cans with her knees pullled to her chest and her head down. She was crying fiercly.

Bucky lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bus stop. He didn't put her down, even as he sat. She lay in his lap for a long time, crying.

She cried it all out; the day her father walked out the door, the first beer her mother brought home, Katherine and Jessica's daily verbal attacks on her in school, and today when those attacks turned physical.

Once she ran out of tears she sat up.

Bucky and Lizzie sat next to each other and stared blankly forward. Lizzie hadn't cried like that in a long time, not since her sister's death and even then she was alone, but now she had let her guard down again and this time it was in front of someone.

Bucky lifted his metal arm and stroked the back of Lizzie's head softly, then put his arm around her and pulled her close to himself. She rested her head on his shoulder. The bus pulled up and the door opened.

"Getting on?" The bus driver asked the two of them. Bucky reached into Lizzie's bag and pulled out her silver card. "Yes, we are."


End file.
